Closing out the Jubilee Year!

Turning 50

Yesterday was my birthday and, you guessed it, I turned 50! A year ago when I was turning 49 I felt a lot of pressure—several friends were marking the big-5-0 a rite of passage with group trips or multi-week adventures. I’m someone who’s always been introspective about birthdays, they feel important. I also love planning my own birthday shenanigans, so I was needing to figure out a plan soon in order to start lining things up. I told my spiritual director how I was feeling burdened by the looming 50th birthday milestone (a year in advance!). Between my work at the Mound and discerning final vows I didn’t have time or bandwidth to figure out how I wanted to turn 50 next year. What does it even MEAN to be turning 49, anyway—is it just the year before 50?!

She pointed out that I had a lot going on in the coming year that would directly impact my future trajectory. My decision to make—or not—final vows with the Dominicans. Managing a major piece of the transformation taking shape at the Mound. She wondered if, perhaps, I could look at 49 as a year of preparation for the second half of my life.

Why not think of it as your jubilee year?¹ She asked.

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Perfect! So that’s what I’ve been doing all year—moving through it and anticipating the arrival of now. Discerning making final vows…CHECK. Getting the renovations at the Mound completed…CHECK (well, almost). In the process I decided not to plan some big celebration because I felt like I blew my wad with the perpetual profession in November (what a celebration!). That was a load off and, as April came and went, I really just wasn’t too concerned with the trappings of the 50th birthday celebration. In fact, since May 4th fell on a Sunday, the only activity I had planned for the day was signing up to preach at mass at the Villa.

Why did I sign up to preach on my birthday, you ask? Well, first of all, I developed a preaching phobia the first couple of years in formation. I took a preaching course that taught me enough to realize that I was woefully unequipped to preach the Gospel. I’ve come a long way since then, but I still suffer from impostor syndrome. Secondly, in the Catholic Church it’s not clear whether women should even be able to preach during mass. It’s basically left up to the Bishop whether or not to allow it in their diocese, which seems weirdly subjective to me. Third, there’s an ironic tension inherent in being a Catholic woman who has made vows to the Order of Preachers, yet feels sheepish AND discouraged from preaching. So I figured it would be a good exercise for me to face my fear, get some practice and go outside of my (and perhaps others’) comfort zone. All good goals for a birthday, I suppose.

There is no safer audience than our sisters and the other residents at the Villa—some will sleep through it no matter how engaging it is and others won’t remember it at all! It ended up being a very tender reflection about my experience with the decline of my late mother, JoAnne, due to Alzheimer’s. Talk about reading the room. It was the first time I felt totally natural preaching and that felt like a significant milestone! You can listen or read the preaching here.

The rest of the day consisted of last minute arrangements that came together perfectly. After mass I set-up for the first fire of the year at Kavanaugh Park, a small picnic area at the base of the Mound that overlooks our cemetery. The signature cocktail was a homemade cherry limeade, Tito’s vodka (thanks Amber!) and soda. It was a small gathering of sisters and friends. The dearly-departed sisters were also there, all around us, and the weather was absolutely perfect. Things felt very right.

A picturesque day at Kavanaugh Park with the dearly-departed sisters

Once everyone left, I tidied up, put out the fire and hooked up my new camping hammock (thanks Kelly & Laura!) between two trees. A lazy afternoon nap in the cemetery with a gentle breeze and a mild buzz—what a way to kick off the next half of my life!

My new favorite thing: a camping hammock with a mosquito net

Life is good and I’ve had 50 years of it. Deep bow of gratitude to all of you that sent me birthday wishes. And if you have plans to go camping give me a shout-out and I’ll find two trees!

1. You see, Catholics have jubilee years, which are typically called by the Vatican as a period of spiritual renewal, forgiveness, and celebration. Pope Francis declared a Jubilee year of Mercy in 2015-2016 and, more recently, a “Pilgrims of Hope” Jubilee Year beginning on Christmas of 2024 and lasting until next Christmas.

Observing jubilee years grows out of an Old Testament mandate and tradition of the ancient Hebrews. Every fifty years, the Israelites were to mark the year by releasing slaves, forgiving debts, and restoring land ownership. Creating a collective “clean slate” so-to-speak as a foundation to build on moving forward.